Five compensatory advantages of Movember

john cleese tash copy
November has gradually become synonymous with hundreds of thousands of patchy moustaches sprouting across the UK at a bristling pace. If you’re anything like me you’ll find your booze budget seriously endangered this Movember as you struggle to shell out to your various furry-lipped friends, but it’s worth it for a million moustache progress selfies a day, free reign to pass comment on all shapes and sizes, oh, and the potentially life-saving research it enables.
tash tash copy

Kudos to the men sporting their tufted handlebars with pride, who probably haven’t experienced itching so incessant since that last nasty rash (which wasn’t their fault either).To remain upbeat about the whole hairy situation, consider these compensatory moustache advantages.

1. Men with facial foliage have a certain gravitas, no? A heavily furred lip illustrates commitment (weary resignation), a stolid acceptance of their natural hairy selves (can’t shave, won’t shave), and a knowing hint that they have a little extra to offer you (and not just the leftover bits of tuna sandwich they’ve caught in their hairy hoover).

2. Men everywhere are taking moustache selfies, which gives us all a rest from the shameless belfies which have suddenly started bopping perkily across the internet (I’m looking at you Kim Kardashian, enviously). There’s something sensual and slightly feral about a photo of a serious-faced man with a sensational ‘tash taken at arms-length, like an angry bear that’s just discovered its own reflection.
Day 26: foliage-spread contained, testosterone levels stable.

Day 26: foliage-spread contained, testosterone levels stable.

3. Consider the well-known moustache-wielding icons from down the ages, and what our poor men have to live up to. We’re talking Friedrich Nietzsche, Tom Selleck, Ron Burgundy (he’s real to me). Be kind the next time your man asks in a wavering voice, “Is my lip-warmer wonky?” or, “Is my moustache manlier than me?”

Great success! Very nice! (Youtube)

Great success! Very nice! (Youtube)

4. Moustaches are notoriously difficult to manage and, frankly, a hazard waiting to happen: they snag, they’re pullable, they’re flammable – the entire Movember-participating male species can now be kept in line with the vague threat of a lighter or a fine-toothed comb. Try to use your newfound powers for good, but if not, to extort wine and chocolate.

5. The larger and more time-consuming your man’s moustache grows, the less attention he will pay to yours. Bin the wax strips and let your lady ‘tash grow wild and free (until December).

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